How to help your child apply to post-secondary studies

There can be a lot of unexpected emotion that goes behind applying to post-secondary studies. Below are a few ways that you can be an ally to your child during the application journey:

- Be a great parent at school, if the school counselors know you as an active parent, they can write better letters on behalf of your child.

- Make your child the manager. Periodically check in with your kid but don't set an expectation that you will be watching their deadlines. They might be living away from you soon. Set the stage for how your relationship is changing as they become adults.

- Remember this is the first big decision they have to make without you. Be kind to any anxieties that emerge. Trust you have equipped them but be there to listen and guide.

- You know who your kid is. There is a difference between being encouraging and unrealistic. This sounds harsh but your child has strengths and weaknesses like every other child. To this point, things have been set in motion and applying to school should remain consistent with that. Shoot for the moon but have a backup plan. See below.

- Discuss money realistically with your children. If you are paying you shouldn't allow them to apply somewhere if you can't afford it. Take into account all the expenses - living expenses, tuition fees, etc. While you want the best for your child, I do not think graduating with substantial student loans is necessary. Being in a situation you cannot afford long term is more stressful and expecting to figure it out along the way is not practical.

If your child is rejected from a school, remember that rejection is good too. Rejection builds resilience. I recommend applying to a stretch school, a safety school, and a few others. You may want to get into a stretch school but may not be able to because of its competitiveness. You have a chance to start at a safety school, a school that is typically easier to get into and either remain or transfer at a later date. As a way to round out your options, I recommend three others that you might be interested in.

Sometimes it's good to remove yourself from the equation and leave this task in the hands of the experts.